Rub your spot a little while stroking slowly..." B: "Ohhhhh my God...

Two main issues are in play here: honesty and uncommunicated expectations.

First, your husband offers an explanation for his behavior that is possible, but not highly believable.

" B: "A black lingerie bra and thong..." A: "Damn, that's hot lil mama..." B: "I'm stuck here all alone with no one to cuddle with... Now gently play with your nipples..." B: "Oh, mmm yeah...

Reallllly slow..." B: "Oh my God, it feels so good..." A: "Yeah... " A: "Just a little more baby, oh yeah..." B: "Ohhh!!! Mmm, that felt good..." A: "Yeah, I knew it would..." B: "Mmm... " A: "I gotta go baby, but I might see you around =)" B: "Aww, don't leave me..." A: "Sorry girl...

Step one: Find a popular "chat room" where you can "real-time net conference," and post a message that subtly lets everyone know you're horny and looking for some of that good cybersex.

As you'll learn from a poorly-censored topless lady over the course of a minute and a half, Cybersex is actually pretty simple.

resize=480:*" /Before you start, write down 10 or more things you want to "do" with your partner—role play, dirty talk, touching, stripteases, etc.—and send these saucy tips to each other.

Then, as things progress, you can each pick a sexy task to do. Pretend like he's there and dress up in some sexy lingerie that really puts you in the mood.

This is an authentic instructional video, circa 1997, for the primitive form of proto-sexting that we used to call "cybersex." This valuable artifact full of arcane knowledge recently resurfaced through the Found Footage Festival, by way of a thrift store VHS bin in Minnesota. You just lost your cyber-virginity in the back of a Ford Taurus wagon on the information superhighway!